well.guide

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When you're overwhelmed, it's easy to get stuck in the loop of questions like "Why am I like this?" or "What does this mean?" It feels like you're working something out, but you're actually just stuck on a hamster wheel of negative thoughts. Rumination is known as evaluative processing ("why am I like this, what does this mean"), which is abstract and after some time, unhelpful. Research suggests that people who ruminate often feel like they're gaining insight when they're actually making their thinking more negative and their problem-solving worse.. Concrete, specific processing ("what exactly do I do next, and how") gives you a more empowered position in the face of challenges. Start with self-directed kindness: "This is a lot, and it makes sense that I feel this way." Then change the question. Asking 'What's ONE thing I can do right now?' moves you from focusing on the whole problem to focusing on one action, and one action is almost always within your reach. A menu of psychology-based 'actions' you can pick from: - Change the situation: one concrete step, or asking for help - Regulate the body: paced breathing, movement, cold water, eating, sleep - Opposite action: act against the emotion's urge. If overwhelm says "withdraw," you reach out or step outside. - Label the feeling: affect labeling research suggests that naming an emotion reduces reactivity. - Seek support: co-regulation and socializing can help improve mood Asking "why" isn't always the enemy. But a quick, concrete answer ("I haven't eaten and I slept four hours") can point you in the right direction. #rumination #rejectionsensitivitydysphoria #copingmechanism #copingskills #rsd

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We live in a binary world, where decisions can only be good or bad, and emotions can only be positive or negative. But seldom in life are things so clear. Whether it is setting boundaries with a parent you have a challenging relationship with or a close friend. Make space for the grief that will come up thinking about the parent/friend they could have been, the parent/friend you needed, and the relationship (as it is) you lose. But don’t let those feelings change your decision. Whether it is quitting a job. If your identity is connected to your work (as it is for many of us), you might feel a sense of loss for not being part of the team, or letting go of the projects you worked on, or even the income. But don’t let that sway you from what you need to do for yourself. Whether it is choosing not to have children. You might be perfectly happy about the life you have chosen, and all the privileges you get for being child-free. But, if someone’s pregnancy announcement or a cute kid you see at brunch triggers a feeling of ‘oh, well I’ll never have that’, don’t shame yourself in that moment. It’s okay to feel sad about the things you’ll never get to experience, but don’t let that be the reason you change your mind. Whether it is leaving a partner. You will miss the life you had together, you will miss that person, you will miss who you were with them. You might even miss the future you imagined. You might even fear that you’ll ‘never find anyone’. But if you have realized this person is not the one for you, and that future is more imagined than real, then don’t let that sadness keep you in a relationship that does not fulfill you. Let these examples be a guideline about the truth: difficult and important life decisions are emotionally complex. Having a ‘negative’ emotional reaction to a decision you made doesn’t mean you made the wrong decision. To avoid these feelings, you might question yourself, doubt your reasons, or try to talk yourself out of it. Don’t. Instead, be gentle with the shame. Be curious about what the guilt is trying to tell you. . . #wellguide #ambiguousgrief #adultingishard #makingdecisions #griefrecovery

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Small habits compound because your brain doesn’t register change through willpower alone, it registers change through repetition and identity. Behavioral scientists have shown that habits form more reliably when they’re tiny enough to feel almost trivial, because the nervous system doesn’t resist what feels low-stakes. When a change asks too much of you upfront, it triggers the same threat response as any other demand, and that’s often why big resolutions fail while a two-minute habit sticks around long enough to actually reshape your routine. Each time you follow through on a small habit, you’re not just building the habit itself, you’re building evidence about who you are. This is where identity-based change comes in: doing the small thing repeatedly tells your brain “I’m someone who does this,” and that self-concept becomes the thing that actually sustains the behavior long after motivation fades. This is exactly what I unpack in Toxic Productivity, because so much of what keeps us stuck isn’t a lack of ambition, it’s the belief that change has to be dramatic to count. If you want a deeper look at how to build a healthier relationship with progress (and unlearn the habits that quietly burn you out), grab a copy of the book. Details are in the link in bio 🙋🏽‍♀️ #wellguide #toxicproductivity #changemindset #positivemindset #positivehabits