outdated_username

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This is about my symptoms of BPD. Although I am too young to get a diagnosis (I’m 15 and you need to be at least 18), I’ve been having these symptoms for a long time. since I was 12 I first NOTICED that I act differently in relationships than normal people do. I did nothing to combat it at the time, because I wasn’t sure if it was a me problem or if the other person was at fault. But when I first got into a serious relationship, things quickly got out of control. I was splitting over and over, I grew obsessed with them, and I would literally do anything to be with them. Although she was physically and emotionally abusive, and there’s no excuse for that, there were things I realized during that relationship. Firstly, I was a extremely clingy person. I literally had a hard time functioning without her comfort. Secondly, I would go through phases of loving her more than anything in the world, to hating her, wishing I never met her, and wishing she would just leave me alone during the relationship. FYI I now absolutely hate her, and I am terrified of ever meeting her again, but at the time, it could be hours between these different emotions, or, in particular cases, less than an hour. Keep in mind, this repeated over a couple relationships before I realized that I process relationships differently due to childhood trauma that I have went through. (I’m not trying to trauma dump too much, but I was often on the line of having an extremely busy single mother and neglect during childhood, and other stuff that TikTok is gonna slime me if I utter a word from it.) But guess what? That’s in the past now. Although it may not seem like it was in the past, I need to move forward with my life, try to work out things with my therapist, and live a fulfilling life, regardless of how a random on TikTok thinks about me, to the person I love the most thinks about me. I’ve learned to try to see more than just black and white in situations. Sometimes it doesn’t work, especially in high-stress situations, but I’m trying. I deeply apologize to those who I have hurt with my actions. Whether it be a D1 crash out or being annoyingly clingy, It was not okay, and nothing above is an excuse. I just wanted to share something that has affected me for a very long time. Again, I deeply apologize for my actions, and I would do anything to tell my younger self to stop, take a minute, and reflect on the situation, rather than hurting myself from guilt or hurting somebody else emotionally. #BPD #bpdawareness #positivevent #animationmeme #outdatedusername Thanks for listening to me, it helps. <3

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CATCHIT ANIMATION MEME // TOONSQUID HIHIHIHIHIHIHI THANK U FOR BEING MY FRIEND AHHAHHAHAHSH @Toast 🍷🗿 PLEASE CHECK HER OUT SHES A REALLY GOOD ARTIST 🥹🥹🥹 #outdatedusername #animationmeme #toonsquid #animation #art

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#BPD #vent #animation #animationmeme #outdatedusername how it genuinely feels to go one day without talking to my FP :3