seedbug.euc

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i looked so happy actually lmao

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I hope this doesn't make you guys think of me differently 💔

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This is a topic that's very hard to talk about, but let's do it anyway! I had so many attempts as a teenager - hoping to escape my situation by death or waking up in the hospital (where i hoped they would put me in foster care so I could get away from my abusive home). I grew up with such deep feelings of shame and unworthiness. I felt like everything that was happening to me was my fault. If it wasn't the result of a careless mistake I made, it was at least something I deserved as an unlovable person. But that wasn't true. Those thoughts were placed in my head from a very young age as the baby of two people who didn't want to raise children. I built my entire life around these beliefs. I wasn't good enough or capable enough to achieve great things. Why even try? Abusive partners, shitty living situations, terrifying interactions. I felt like I deserved it all, so I tolerated it all. Even when good people entered my life, I didn't trust their intentions. It's hard to trust someone who sees you differently from how you see yourself. What happens when they find out how horrible I am? I couldn't live this way any longer. I didn't have much money, but I had to restart my life immediately. Or else I would end it. I left my ex, i slept in my car and spare bedrooms, I went into debt, I said goodbye to the pets we shared that i couldn't take with me 😢 I made enormous sacrifices in order to give myself a chance. The truth is, it's not your fault if you were raised in chaos and given a shit hand, but it is solely your responsibility to do something about it. The power IS within you. You are NOT the one exception that isn't worthy. Removing yourself from these toxic environments as quickly as you can is the key. It will hurt, you will lose people you love, you will cry, but it will all be worth it! Love is abundant around and within you, look for it! #ptsd #childabuse #childneglect #narcissist #addiction #sobriety #anxiety #depression #suicide