petebatesproject

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There are ghosts in my phone. Strong men and women. Until they weren't. Dear friends, gone too early. Around thirty people I knew, lost to suicide since I came home thirteen years ago. That number sounds made up. I wish it was. Everyone in your house thinks you're fine. You've said it so many times, you nearly believe it yourself. That's how it starts. Isolation doesn't always look like someone alone in an empty room. Sometimes there are people everywhere. A partner in the next room. Kids making noise. People at work. Messages sitting on your phone. And nobody actually knows what's going on inside you. Sometimes not even you. It starts small. It can be insidious. You cancel something because you can't be bothered. You leave one message unanswered. Then another. You stop telling people what's really going on, because explaining it feels harder than saying, "I'm fine." Or sometimes you're not even sure yourself. Your world gets smaller. And after a while, smaller starts feeling safe. I learned the extreme version of this in prison. Nearly three months in solitary with almost no human contact. Watching shadows climb the wall to mark time. Waiting for ants to arrive, just to know the world still existed. No matter how strong you are, no matter how tough, the most dangerous place you can end up is isolated with the voice in your own head. I know that voice. There was a day I sat on my garage floor with a piece of rope and no hope for the future. I'm still here. What I learned later is that you don't need concrete walls and a locked door to shut everybody out. Sometimes the door's wide open. You just stop walking through it. I watch for that in myself now. When my world starts shrinking, I put something back into it. Movement. Reading. My dogs. Belinda. Something outside my own head. One walk or one conversation won't fix your life. But sometimes the first job is just to stop the world getting smaller. If things have been slipping and you don't know where to start, I built The Rebuild Starting Point for exactly that. It's free. Start exactly where you are. Not where you think you should be. petebatesproject.com/rebuild (link in bio) If someone came to mind while you were reading this, send it to them. Sometimes that's the thing that gets them walking back through the door. If you're not safe tonight, or you're worried about someone: Lifeline 13 11 14 Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467 #ThePeteBatesProject #MentalHealth #Isolation #SuicidePrevention #MensMentalHealth

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Nearly three months into solitary, the most dangerous voice in that cell was mine. Isolation does something to your head when your own thoughts are the only voice left in the room. Not everyone living that kind of isolation is behind a locked door. If your mate has gone quiet, call them. And if it’s you — don’t rebuild everything tonight. Start somewhere. The Rebuild Starting Point is free. Link in profile. #SolitaryConfinement #Isolation #MensMentalHealth #CheckOnYourMates #Rebuild

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No bruises. No police report. No protection order. But the documented pattern still included money, communication, isolation, monitoring and control. That is the problem with looking only for violence you can photograph. The free 10 Red Flags You’re Living With a Dangerous Man guide is linked in my profile. #AllisonBadenClay #CoerciveControl #DomesticViolence #PatternRecognition #WomensSafety