trainer caitlyn

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Okay hi lol this is a lot of words and you don’t have to read them, they are mostly for me anyway :) ; I have been dealing with self harm since my freshman year in high school. this is probably the first time I have typed out these words and not felt absolutely horrible about it. I used to think I was the worst person in the world. I thought I was terrible for hurting myself because I didn’t deserve to be sad since nothing bad happened to me. I feel so sorry for myself who I never let be upset bc “everyone else has reasons to be sad and I don’t”. I sometimes still struggle with the idea that I’m allowed to be sad even if nothing happended. I don’t know when I began thinking that I wasnt worth it but I’m really trying to change that now. I don’t wanna have to be in physical pain to think I should be allowed to exist. I wanna think that the good things in my life are deserved and not a mistake that someone else was supposed to get. I wanna say “i’m proud of myself” and not think I have nothing to be proud of. I wish this would just go away whenever I want but that’s not how my brain works. It’s gonna take more time than I like and more bad days than I can handle and still i’m trying anyway. I know I’ll never fully be rid of the urge to hurt myself anytime I start feeling, but I wanna be able to wear the short shorts in the summer without worrying about if they are covering my scars more. If you reading this are where I am too, know you aren’t alone. I am right there with you. If I can do it, so can you. If you or anyone ever needs someone to listen, my messages are always open. And one last thing, I love you, no matter who you are. 🧡 #shawareness #ily #youarenotalone

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and this is 2 hrs after i put my face on 😋 elf u have a new stan for ur setting spray #fyp #trend #makeup #wlw

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it’s an A and B part with 1 16 count tagg (during the slow part of song) !! super fun, if yall want the whole thing i can share! #fyp #linedance #linedancing #ladygaga #choreography