Edinburgh Therapy| Liz

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One of the most confusing things about leaving an emotionally abusive relationship is that you can know perfectly well that someone was bad for you, and still desperately want them back. And people will tell you that you need more self-respect. But here’s something I want you to understand. When someone repeatedly causes you distress and then becomes the person who relieves that distress, you can become incredibly attached to the relief. You start mistaking the absence of pain for the presence of love. And that’s why simply reminding yourself of all the terrible things they did doesn’t necessarily stop you wanting to go back. Because the part of you that’s desperate to return isn’t necessarily looking for love. It may be looking for an end to the distress. And those are two very different things #therapy #traumahealingcoach #narcissisticabusespecialist #somatichealing #mentalhealth

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You can feel guilty when absolutely nobody is doing anything to you. You sit down, you feel guilty. You spend money on yourself, you feel guilty. You say no to something you don’t want to do, and suddenly you’re explaining yourself to an imaginary courtroom. Because you’ve spent so long experiencing someone else’s disappointment as something you need to fix. And eventually, they don’t even need to be there. You’ve internalised the entire bloody process. So the work isn’t just learning to say no. It’s learning to experience someone else’s disappointment without automatically treating it as evidence you’ve done something wrong. #therapy #traumahealingcoach #narcissisticabusespecialist #somatichealing #mentalhealth

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One of the things I work on with people after emotionally abusive relationships is how much of the relationship is still happening when the other person isn’t even there. You’re still anticipating criticism. You’re still rehearsing arguments. You’re still wondering what they’d think about your choices. You’re still adjusting your behaviour to avoid reactions that aren’t even happening anymore. And you might have been out of that relationship for years. This is why I don’t believe recovery is simply about recognising what someone did to you. We have to look at what you learned to do to yourself in order to survive that relationship. Because leaving the relationship and no longer living according to its rules are two different stages of recovery #therapy #traumahealingcoach #narcissisticabusespecialist #somatichealing #childhoodtraumahealing